Ow! Ow! That Hurts!

Must stop thinking! It hurts! It hurts! Disengage!

Brain??? I Don't Need No Stinkin' Brain!!!!

Why Do You Think My Wife is Always Smiling?

"Heh, heh."

A Duck in a Tree

Joe Biden: "A duck in a tree? I don't see any duck in a tree. Damn this is hard."

Barack Obama: "I am so fucking smart it makes my head hurt. I actually have to hold my fingers here or my brains will literally leak out onto the table. Why can't these goddamn Republicans just shut the fuck up and vote for my shit?"

I Pledge Allegiance

"I pledge allegiance to Elin.....and Rachel....and Holly....and Cori...and Jamie...and Jaimee...and Kalika....and umm, oh yeah and Loquisha and of course Nike. Accenture can kiss my ass."

Tiger: Yeah, Dawg!

Tiger Woods at his press conference this morning: "Oh, yeah. I did it. And I'd do it again. And you would too dawg."

UN Climate Chief Resigns

"The glaciers aren't melting? Fuck me..."